Poem with an explanation: Walking inside

It was very strange walking outside,
it wasn’t hot,
the mosquitos weren’t around,
and the man and dogs seemed content,
as they walked about,
that morning.

 In the soft light of the morning,
 that came from the sun outside,
 the nurse moved about,
 and checked if his forehead was hot,
 and saw that he seemed content,
 as she moved around.

As they walked around,
breathing the air of the morning,
they all felt content,
as they were outside,
where it wasn’t hot,
as they moved about.

 As the doctor walked about,
 she turned around,
 because she thought he might be hot,
 although it was morning,
 and there were clouds beyond the window outside,
 she wanted him to be content.

He smiled and felt content,
as he and the dogs walked about,
in the breeze outside,
and they felt it blow around,
in the morning,
when it wasn’t hot.

 She thought he might be hot,
 although he looked content,
 and although it was morning,
 she moved about,
 and turned the handle around,
 to block the sun from outside.

The morning started to feel hot,
and outside he did not feel content,
as he walked about and moved around.

 

This poem is a sestina.  There are two scenes in the poem.  The first scene is outside where a man is walking his dogs.  This scene is in the first, third, fifth, and seventh stanzas.  The second scene is in a hospital.  This scene is in the second, fourth and sixth stanzas.  The first scene is in the dream of a man in a hospital bed.  The second scene is in a hospital, where the man actually is.

In the first stanza, the man almost notices the unreality of his situation.  Things are not as he expected.  It wasn’t hot and there were no mosquitoes.  Things feel strange.  He doesn’t realize he is dreaming though.

In the second stanza, the nurse notices that the man seems content.  His outward look, reflects how he feels in his dream.

In the third stanza, the man continues his pleasant morning with his dogs.  In this stanza, there is only one part where the man notices a lack of something negative – where he notices it wasn’t hot.  This is the only indication he has that he is dreaming.  He realizes it less than he did in the first stanza.

The fourth stanza shows an action that is about to happen.  In the second stanza, the nurse thought the man was content, and so she did nothing.  In this stanza, the doctor wants the man to be content, and so she has the impetus to do something.  The doctor has less understanding than the nurse of how the man feels.  She also ignores the idea that it was morning and there were clouds outside.

In the fifth stanza, the man still feels content, and now has the additional positive of the breeze.  The breeze is focused on in two of the six lines of the stanza.  In the last line, there is the same slight sense that something negative is missing, when the man notices that it wasn’t hot.

The sixth stanza starts with a line that is somewhat of the opposite of the last line of the fifth stanza.  In the last line of the fifth stanza, the man noticed it wasn’t hot.  In the first line of the sixth stanza, the doctor thinks the man might be hot.  She goes two additional steps, and ignores the fact that he seemed content and that it was morning.  She ignored two things before, when she ignored that it was morning, and that there were clouds outside.  She then does something, and blocks the outside.  The doctor’s action was negative, although she intended something well.

In the last stanza, there is almost a contradictory image.  The stanza before ended with an effort to make the man cool.  In this stanza, for the first time, the man now feels hot in his dream.  The negativity goes further and he no longer feels content.  Additionally, the dogs are not mentioned in this stanza.  It is almost as if they have disappeared and the man is alone.

In this poem, there is a man in a hospital bed.  Because there is morning sunshine coming in through his window, he is having a pleasant feeling dream.  When the light is blocked, the man starts to feel bad.

Poetry topic idea: Worn shoes

Today’s poetry topic idea is worn shoes, in other words, shoes that are worn out.

This idea could lead to many poems.  For example, a poet could write about someone training for a marathon, and wearing out their shoes.  A poet could also write about someone engaged in some sort of repetitive walking, like at a job, and talk about their shoes wearing.  A poet could instead write about the moment worn shoes are thrown away, and symbolism involved in that.  A poet could also write about someone having worn shoes, and not being able to get new ones.  A poet might write about, someone who needs shoes, and them getting a worn pair.  There are many other ideas as well.

Bilingual Poem: Butterflies

the butterflies land,
on flower petals,
and seem like them

los mariposas se posan,
en pétalos de flores,
y parecen parecida les

 

As a note, as mentioned previously, M. Sakran is not bilingual.  Therefore, it is possible that some mistakes are made in translating the English poems into Spanish.  Please forgive any mistakes that are made.

P.S. Tomorrow, M. Sakran is scheduled to have a haiku published on Pure Haiku.  Also, M. Sakran has a poem pending publication with The Corner Club Press.

Post Series: The Citrus Series: Bilingual Poem: The mystery

Lemon?

Orange?

Something else?

The mystery,
of the unripe,
citrus fruit.

 

¿Limón?

¿Naranja?

¿Otra cosa?

El misterio,
de el verde,
agrio.

 

As mentioned before, M. Sakran is not bilingual.  Therefore, it is possible that some mistakes are made in translating the English poems into Spanish.  Please forgive any mistakes that are made.

As a note, this is the last post in the Citrus Series.  The photograph for the post can be seen here: The Citrus Series.

Post Series: The Citrus Series: Experimental Poetry Form: Acrostic matching and rhyming

In the Citrus Series post on June 16th, it was mentioned in the explanation of the poem, that one reason a sonnet was chosen for part of the poem, was that a sonnet did not have repeating lines.  The idea was, that given that the poem was an acrostic poem using the phrase “Unripe Citrus Fruit”, that a poetry form, such as a triolet, would not fit, because the repeats would not match the acrostic characteristic of the poem.  It was mentioned that, to have a repeating poem match the acrostic nature of the poem, that an experimental poetry form would need to be used.  That is the basis of this experimental poetry form.

The general structure of the experimental poetry form consists of three aspects:

  1. It is an acrostic poem of a short phrase.
  2. The letters in the phrase that match, correspond to matching sets of lines in the poem.
  3. The group of letters that appear only once in the phrase, are rhyming lines in the poem.

As an illustration, here is how the form applies to the phrase “Unripe Citrus Fruit”:

  • The poem is an acrostic poem of the phrase “Unripe Citrus Fruit”
  • The first, eleventh, and fifteenth lines of the poem are the same
  • The fourth, eighth, and sixteenth lines of the poem are the same
  • The third, tenth, and fourteenth lines of the poem are the same
  • The ninth and seventeenth lines of the poem are the same
  • The second, fifth, sixth, seventh, twelve, and thirteenth lines of the poem rhyme

The matching sets of lines, match the matching letters in the phrase “Unripe Citrus Fruit”.  For example, the “U” lines match.  The letters in the phrase that only appear once, such as “N”, are the rhyming lines.

This is a specific example of the general experimental poetry form.  Its use would vary depending on the starting phrase.

Here is an example poem, in the form, using the phrase “Unripe Citrus Fruit” and inspired by the photograph of the series:

Underneath the sun,
next to leaves that are green,
reclining behind a leaf,
it seems to rest.

  Perhaps it seeks to glean,
  enchantment from what is seen,
  content as it does lean.

It seems to rest,
there where it is,
reclining behind a leaf,
underneath the sun.

Seeking what rest does mean,
finding no need to preen,
  reclining behind a leaf,
  underneath the sun,
it seems to rest,
there where it is.

 

P.S.  Today on MSakran.com, there is a new set of photography, artwork, poetry and fiction.  As mentioned before, the photograph, artwork and fiction can inspire poetry, and the poem there can be read.

Post Series: The Citrus Series: Poetry topic idea: Imperfection

Today’s poetry topic idea comes from the Citrus Series.  In the other posts of the series, various ideas were mentioned or illustrated.  One idea that has not been mentioned is that of imperfection.  The surface of the unripe citrus fruit in the photograph is not smooth.  It has imperfections.  Imperfection is the poetry topic idea for today.

Like many things, imperfection could be viewed from different angles.  It might be seen as positive.  For example, a golf ball is not perfectly smooth, and yet this is done on purpose to improve how it is used.  Alternatively, imperfections could be viewed negatively.  They can be seen as flaws.  An example might be an imperfection in a piece of machinery that causes it not to work.  Lastly, imperfections could be indifferent.  Something might be a centimeter off, but no one notices and it has no effect.

The idea of imperfection and the different angles from which it can be viewed can be used as a topic for poetry.  For example, if a poet wanted to relate the idea of imperfection directly to the subject of the photograph of the Citrus Series, a poet might pick some imperfection and view it from the three different angles.  For example, a poet might write a poem about where the tree the fruit is growing on is growing.  They could describe how that place does not match the ideal (for example it is too far north or south, or too shady or sunny, or on too small a piece of land or with too much open space around it) and write how those things affect the tree and the fruit.  They could write in a poem how the imperfections have positive, negative and indifferent effects.