Poem with an explanation: among the planets

There’s a counting,
is it a fortnight?
There’s a counting,
every other Mars.
But one is missed –
what is that,
a cycle of the Moon?

The sandy beaches,
of a moon of Jupiter,
an imagined place,
of forgetfulness.

Alone,
in the silence of a cave,
of Pluto,
as if transported,
from place and time,
watching the Sun,
go in circles and circles,
as night approaches.

 

This poem is about an elderly person in a nursing home.  The person is supposed to be visited by their family every other Tuesday, but their family missed the last visit.

In the poem, it is the fifth Tuesday.  The person’s family came on the first Tuesday.  They were supposed to come on the third Tuesday, but did not.  Now it is the fifth Tuesday, which is the next scheduled visit day.

The poem starts with a question, There’s a counting, is it a fortnight?  The elderly person is trying to think about how often their family visits.  They wonder what a time period name for every other Tuesday might be.  They have trouble counting the days, but think that it might be called a fortnight, which is fourteen days.  They are somewhat upset and aren’t able to focus and know how many days it really is.

The elderly person continues to think about the time between visits.  They describe “every other Tuesday” as “every other Mars.”  Tuesday, in Spanish is called Martes, which is a reference to Mars.  The idea of astronomy as a background idea continues in the poem.

They then describe the idea that one of the visits was missed (But one is missed).  Again, they are having trouble counting and wonder if that is a month between visits (what is that, a cycle of the Moon?).  This again is an astronomy idea in the background.

The poem then partially shifts perspectives.  In the next stanza, there is a blurring of the point of view of the elderly person and that of their family.

The elderly person imagines their family being somewhere fun and far away (The sandy beaches, of a moon of Jupiter).  Their thoughts are imaginary though (an imagined place).  Their family is just out living their lives as normal.  The place though, and this is a blending of the viewpoints, is one of forgetfulness.  The elderly person imagines their family forgetting them, and, for the most part, at least at times, their family does.

The perspective then shifts back to the elderly person.  They think of their reality as, “Alone, in the silence of a cave, of Pluto“.  The person is alone, as in the sense that they have no company.  They have no one to talk to (in the silence), and they feel hidden (of a cave).  The place the person is at is described as being of Pluto.  Pluto, at one time, was the farthest planet from the Sun.  This describes the person’s separation from their family.  Also, Pluto is no longer a planet.  This idea describes the sense of demotion the person feels in their sense of abandonment.  The detachment and separation the person feels is further described as if transported, from place and time.

The elderly person is in their room and they feel the days pass.  This is described as “watching the Sun go in circles and circles“.  The person has a sense that they will die soon (as night approaches).  There’s a sense of dejection.

 

This poem, in some sense, is about neglect by apathy.  The person’s family sees the elderly person as an obligation.  They see them as something that takes up time.  They feel the visits are a burden.  This is demonstrated in part by the fact that the visits are scheduled and sparse.

The person’s family isn’t mean in a sense.  They just feel detached from the elderly person.  They don’t feel a strong connection.  Seeing the person is almost viewed like completing community service to them.

The poem focuses on the perspective of the elderly person.  There is the idea, that a missed visit is very important to them, but not important to their family.

Astronomy was used in the poem as a descriptive tool.  The idea was to make the feelings of the person seem larger in a way.

Artwork to inspire poetry: potato

potato

This artwork is of a potato.  It started out as a colored pencil drawing, and then was scanned and computer altered.  This artwork can inspire poetry.  Here is a poem inspired by it:

There’s supposed to be a planet,
with a moon that’s like one of these.
What was its name?
Does anyone know?

Poem Series: Experimental Poetry Forms: One hundred feet: Meteors

The lights did flash up in the sky while stars did shine around.  Each one of them appeared and flew, then seemed to disappear.  They came alone, but flew in forms like they had thought it out.  A few of them drew lines behind, as they did fly their path.  It seemed so strange as they did fly that none did hit a star.

Out in the dark the lights did fly, across a deep black sea.  And into it they seemed to dive and swim somewhere that was unknown.

 

(21/40) Experimental Poetry Form: One hundred feet

Poem with an explanation: a star

Outside by a warm fire and seeing,

           a star.

Alone in the pale sky,

           it appears to be by itself,

                      until three stars in a row above show,

that belt.

 

This poem uses the experimental poetry from Flows and Stops.  That form was the second experimental poetry form to be described on this blog and can be seen here: Flows and Stops.

The poem is about seeing one star in the sky as dusk starts and thinking that it looks alone.  Later, when three stars above it in a row are seen, the realization happens that the stars are part of the constellation Orion.  The three stars are referred to as “that belt” in the poem because of the familiarity they bring to the viewer in the poem.

Experimental Poetry Form: Rhyming and Indention

Stanza: 1
Lines: 21
Meter: iambic trimeter
Rhyming and indention pattern:
A
A
A
 B
  C
  C
  C
 B
 B
D
D
 E
 E
 E
D
  F
  G
  F
  G
  F
  G

This experimental poetry from is based on two ideas: rhyming and indention.  The rhyming and indention patterns are there to connect ideas internally, set ideas apart and connect ideas together.

The first set is the three A rhymes.  These lines are not indented and form one complete set.  The idea in these lines is self-contained.

The second set are the B and C rhymes.  Each of B rhyming lines is indented one space and each of the C rhyming lines is indented two spaces.  The first B line is indented to set it apart from the A lines.  The C lines are indented to set them apart from the B lines.  The B and C lines form one set.  The first B line starts an idea, the three C lines move from the idea in some way, and the last two B lines come back to the idea.  For example, if the first B line was about a tree, the three C lines might be about birds in the tree, followed by the last two B lines that would focus on the tree again.  The B and C lines are set apart from the A lines, but they all relate to each other.

As a note, all the lines in the form, form one stanza.  The idea, is that while there are sets of ideas, they all connect together.  The one stanza gives the impression of one cohesive idea, rather than detached ideas put together.

Additionally, all the lines have the same short meter.  This is done to let the lines have flow and to have the focus be on the rhyming.  The short lines are meant to increase the noticeability of the rhyming.

The third set are the D and E rhymes.  The lines of these rhymes mirror the B and C rhymes.  In this case, there are two D rhymes, followed by three E rhymes, followed by one D rhyme.  Also, the indention of these lines is one less than with the B and C lines.  This is to help differentiate them.  The idea with the D and E lines is the same as with the B and C rhyming set, except in this case, the idea of the D rhyme gets a longer initial expression and ends with a shorter expression, which is the opposite of the case with the B lines.  The idea is to express an idea, move away from it, and then come back to it briefly.

The last set are the F and G rhymes.  These lines are indented two spaces to set them apart from the previous set.  Also, these lines only have one indention, which is also the case with the starting A lines.  This helps to close the poetry form.  The rhymes of these lines alternates.  This is the only set in the form that has that.  The idea was to change the sound from the previous set.  These lines are also a self-contained set like the previous ones.

As an example of the form, here is a poem about looking at stars at night:

Above the earth at night,
the stars shine with their light,
and seem to glow so bright.
 Beneath the dark night sky,
  out in the cool night air,
  when cold does cause a care,
  and warmth does feel so rare,
 one turns their look up high,
 and does not wonder why.
The thought does then occur,
and seems without a blur,
 of all that is so vast,
 of looking in the past,
 and light that moves so fast,
and thoughts leave where they were.
  When looking to the stars,
  at night when things are cold,
  the thoughts do leave their jars,
  at what does shine like gold,
  like breaking through some bars,
  they leave what once did hold.

Poem series: Space: Blank verse poem

To float among the planets and the moons,
in such a way as if they were condensed,
and with a pushing of the arms and hands,
as if to swim within a silent lake,
travel among the orbs that spin around,
and move from gas to red to ice to blue,
and stop and float and then descend within,
a sphere of blue that seems to glow and swirl,
and see colors and shapes of size and form,
that seem like art or as imagined things,
and fly around and see what feels like wind,
that blows within a breeze through shaded trees,
and move with speed and with agility,
around mountains and streams of flowing blue,
and land and walk upon a field ice,
and yet to feel no sense of any cold,
and then to walk into a cave of stone,
and see crystals that shine as light flows through,
and then to fly up high within the clouds,
through mists of gas that seem as if clear air,
over oceans that flow from south to north,
that have islands that seem like stepping stones,
to continents with shores of crystal sands,
with plains and hills and fields that go within,
and then to pause and take a time to breathe,
and wait some time before the push to fly,
that leads into the silence of the dark,
and see an orb of orange flowing gas,
and fly through dark toward what seems so nearby,
is a bright dream that seeing stars can cause.