Poem with an explanation: shiver

Shaking,
shaking,
an overwhelming sense,
pricks in the hands,
pricks in the feet,
the bones rattle,
and there is worry.

Jumping,
under the sand,
burying deep,
and hoping.

Shaking,
shaking.

Covering the roof,
with joyfulness,
gathering the sand,
shaking,
shaking,
and waiting.

Slowly the drum,
beats more slowly,
slowly the earth,
slows its quake,
but still,
shaking,
shaking.

In the cave,
an armor of hope,
the way between,
guarded.

Counting,
Counting,
a run,
a burst,
a dash,
hurry,
the armor,
back across,
back,
under the sand,
pull it close,
hold together,
and wait.

The earth still tremors,
and truth is known,
that somewhere across,
a vast sea,
the weaver’s cloth,
does exist.

Counting,
counting,
thoughts of pain,
counting,
counting,
and the ship sails.

A journey,
not recounted,
was made,
and there in the sand,
under the roof,
with the armor,
and the cloth,
peacefulness.

 

This poem is about someone with a fever.  The poem describes them starting to shiver and them seeking warmth.

At the start of the poem, the person is by their bed.  They are standing there, when they start to shiver (shaking, shaking).  They realize what is happening (an overwhelming sense) because they have a cold and know they have a fever.

As the feeling spreads across their body, they feel a pain in their hands (pricks in the hands) and feet (pricks in the feet), they start to shake more (the bones rattle) and they worry about their condition (and there is worry).

They then jump into their bed (jumping), pull their covers on them (under the sand, burying deep) and hope this helps (and hoping).

Despite this though, they continue to shiver (shaking, shaking).

The person has been ill for some time before the fever caused them to shiver, and because of this they had a warm cap in their bed.  They had it there to cover their head, should they feel cold at night.

As the person shivers under their blanket, they reach and find the cap and put it on their head (covering the roof).  They believe that covering their head will have an effect on how warm they feel and so they feel happy when they put it on (with joyfulness).  They then pull their blanket around themselves (gathering the sand), continue to shiver (shaking, shaking) and wait for it to stop (and waiting).

As the person was shivering, their heart was beating faster than normal.  As they are huddled under the covers with their cap on, they feel their heartbeat start to slow (slowly the drum, beats more slowly).  Their shivering also begins to slow (slowly the earth, slows its quake).  Still though, the person shivers (but still, shaking, shaking).

In the person’s closet they have a sweat suit (in the cave, an armor of hope).  They know it is there, but they realize they will feel cold if they get out of bed to get it (the way between, guarded).

The person resolves to get out of bed and run to the closet and get the sweat suit.  They decide to count to twenty and then run to get the suit.  The person counts (counting, counting), jumps out of bed, runs to the closet (a run, a burst, a dash, hurry), gets the sweat suit and puts it on (the armor), runs back to their bed (back across, back), gets under the covers (under the sand), pulls the covers close (pull it close), holds the blanket tight (hold together) and they wait to feel warm (and wait).

Despite their efforts, they still shiver (the earth still tremors).  The person thinks (and truth is known), that in another room of their house (that somewhere across, a vast sea), they have a thick blanket (the weaver’s cloth, does exist).

The person counts again (counting, counting), thinks of how cold they will feel if they go to get the blanket (thoughts of pain), counts again (counting, counting) and they go for the blanket (and the ship sails).

The journey back and forth to get the blanket, was difficult for the person, and so they don’t think about it (a journey, not recounted, was made).  They get back to their bed, under the covers (and there in the sand), with their cap on (under the roof), with their sweat suit on (with the armor) and under the thick blanket (and the cloth) and they feel peace (peacefulness).

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Post Series: Poems with Explanations: Obstruction

Ice cubes melted,
the sun shone,
but the wind did not blow.

Inside cobwebs materialized,
tightening simple structures,
binding the woven design, narrowly bound.

Insistent contractions malign,
the silent soul,
beating the will down, never bending.

 

This poem is about a person who is having breathing problems after overcoming a cold.  The breathing problems have become persistent.

In the first stanza, the person gets over the cold (Ice cubes melted).  After being inside for a week they go outside (the sun shone).  This feeling of relief is brief as the person finds they have trouble breathing (but the wind did not blow).

The next stanza describes the breathing problems.  The person feels that their breathing is constrained, like they have cobwebs in their chest (Inside cobwebs materialized).  It feels like the cobwebs are closing their airway (tightening simple structures) and making it narrow (binding the woven design, narrowly bound).

The person finds themselves coughing repeatedly (Insistent contractions malign).  They can’t speak because they are short of breath (the silent soul).  Even though they want to get up and do things, they feel that they can’t because of the breathing problems and coughing that will not stop (beating the will down, never bending).

This poem is a form poem.  Each stanza follows the same letter pattern of the first letter of each word.  This applies to corresponding lines in each stanza.  The pattern is:

Line 1: ICM

Line 2: TSS

Line 3: BTWDNB

This had the effect of making each stanza have the same number of words and each corresponding line have the same number of words.

The poem was written by writing the first stanza, and then making the second two match the pattern.

There was a little difficulty in applying this form, particularly in trying to have a natural sound to lines.  In the last lines of stanzas two and three, this was a bit of a problem.  Despite this, there did seem to be an added benefit of having a poem with this type of constrained form.  There is a certain quality added, in that the idea was expressed even with the constraint.

 

*****

Did you know, that copies of M. Sakran’s eBook, Understanding: poems with explanations, are available for purchase with currencies other than the U.S. $?  It is true.  Copies can be purchased using British Pounds, Euros, Japanese Yen, Brazilian Reals, Canadian Dollars, Mexican Pesos, Australian Dollars and Indian Rupees.

Here are links to pages where copies of the eBook can be purchased using the above mentioned currencies.  There are multiple pages for Euros.

British Pounds: Understanding: poems with explanations

Euros (1): Understanding: poems with explanations

Euros (2): Understanding: poems with explanations

Euros (3): Understanding: poems with explanations

Euros (4): Understanding: poems with explanations

Euros (5): Understanding: poems with explanations

Japanese Yen: Understanding: poems with explanations

Brazilian Reals: Understanding: poems with explanations

Canadian Dollars: Understanding: poems with explanations

Mexican Pesos: Understanding: poems with explanations

Australian Dollars: Understanding: poems with explanations

Indian Rupees: Understanding: poems with explanations

U.S. Dollars: Understanding: poems with explanations

*****

Do you like poems with explanations?

M. Sakran’s self-published book of poems with explanations called Understanding: poems with explanations is available for purchase as an eBook for an available price of $0.99. Buy your copy today!

To help celebrate the self-publication of this book, there is a post series of poems with explanations on the blog.  Above is a poem with an explanation for the series.  This poem with an explanation (as well as the rest in the series) is not from the book.  It is a different one that is part of this post series for readers to read and enjoy.

Post Series: Poems with Explanations: There

There

Sitting there,
as a storm falls,
feeling it all hit.

Laying there,
in the incoherence,
but 4 and 2 aren’t 7.

Covered there,
as the earth shakes,
hoping snow falls.

Walking there,
with a stumble,
it is miles.

Listening there,
hearing the calls,
mist and stone.

Being there,
in disguise,
wondering of return.

 

This poem is about a person with a cold with a fever.  The poem is divided into six stanzas, that cover six moments the person has.

The first stanza starts with the person in the shower.  The person is sick, and so, rather than stand in the shower, as would be normal, the person sits (Sitting there).  They sit on the shower floor, as the hot water falls upon them (as a storm falls) and they take some bit of comfort in the heat (feeling it all hit).

In the next stanza, the person is in bed (Laying there).  It is in the middle of the night and the person has a fever.  They wake up.  Because of their tiredness and their fever they are incoherent (in the incoherence).  Their mind starts to move as they are half awake and half asleep and they can’t make sense of what they are thinking about (but 4 and 2 aren’t 7).

In the third stanza, the person is sitting on a sofa, covered completely with a blanket (Covered there).  The person starts to feel cold and they shiver (as the earth shakes).  As they do, they hope someone helps them and covers them with more blankets (hoping snow falls).

In the fourth stanza, the person is walking outside to get the mail (Walking there).  Because of their cold, they stumble as they walk (with a stumble).  At first they have some thought that the feet they are walking feels like miles, but as they stumble along, they decide that it is in fact miles (it is miles).  The distance they feel, has transcended in some sense, the idea of feeling.

In the following stanza, the person is sitting inside, and they hear their dog outside bark (Listening there).  They realize that their dog wants to go for a walk (hearing the calls).  In their mind, they want to walk their dog (mist).  Their body though is just too tired (stone).

In the last stanza, the person is in their house (Being there).  They don’t look like themselves.  Because of their cold they are dressed differently and just look different (in disguise).  As they are there, they wonder when they will be well again and be themselves (wondering of return).

In terms of form, this poem is six stanzas long.  Each stanza is three lines long.  Each stanza starts with a word followed by there.  This makes each first line of each stanza, two words long.

*****

Do you like poems with explanations?

M. Sakran’s self-published book of poems with explanations called Understanding: poems with explanations is available for purchase as an eBook for an available price of $0.99. Buy your copy today!

To help celebrate the self-publication of this book, there is a post series of poems with explanations on the blog.  Above is a poem with an explanation for the series.  This poem with an explanation (as well as the rest in the series) is not from the book.  It is a different one that is part of this post series for readers to read and enjoy.

Poem series: Space: Blank verse poem

To float among the planets and the moons,
in such a way as if they were condensed,
and with a pushing of the arms and hands,
as if to swim within a silent lake,
travel among the orbs that spin around,
and move from gas to red to ice to blue,
and stop and float and then descend within,
a sphere of blue that seems to glow and swirl,
and see colors and shapes of size and form,
that seem like art or as imagined things,
and fly around and see what feels like wind,
that blows within a breeze through shaded trees,
and move with speed and with agility,
around mountains and streams of flowing blue,
and land and walk upon a field ice,
and yet to feel no sense of any cold,
and then to walk into a cave of stone,
and see crystals that shine as light flows through,
and then to fly up high within the clouds,
through mists of gas that seem as if clear air,
over oceans that flow from south to north,
that have islands that seem like stepping stones,
to continents with shores of crystal sands,
with plains and hills and fields that go within,
and then to pause and take a time to breathe,
and wait some time before the push to fly,
that leads into the silence of the dark,
and see an orb of orange flowing gas,
and fly through dark toward what seems so nearby,
is a bright dream that seeing stars can cause.