Poem with an explanation: what’s the hurry?

walking outside
with someone
what’s the hurry?

In this poem, two people are walking outside.  They are walking quickly until one realizes that they have nowhere in particular to be.  They are walking simply for the sake of walking and have no destination other than to return to the place that they started from.  They have nothing in particular to do at that place, and so when they arrive is inconsequential.  When one of them realizes this they question why they are walking so fast.  The poem reflects on the idea of appreciating the moment rather than focusing on the next one.

Post Series: The Poems with Explanations Series: Moment


An unclear fine instant known but a mystery,
a second of breath and maybe a thought,
then somehow it’s gone but nothing is clear.
A second of breath known but a mystery,
then somehow it’s gone and maybe a thought,
an unclear fine instant but nothing is clear.


The above poem is about the instant right before death.  It was imagined as being in a hospital.  A person was imagined lying in a bed right before the moment they died.

The poem was written using the experimental poetry form: word counts, word groups, and repeats.  The form affected the poem.

The first line is about the moment right before death.  That moment is unclear as it hasn’t been experienced by anyone alive (unless they died and were resuscitated).  The line describes the moment as something that is known but still a mystery.

The second line is about the last breath and it wonders if there is a thought as it happens.

The third line then describes the moment of dying and acknowledges that that exact moment is unclear.

Lines four through six were more influenced by the form, as they were determined by lines one through three.  The meaning of the lines was not completely known as they were written, since how the lines would come together wasn’t focused on as the first three lines were written (although some idea about it was there).  This added some interest to the poem.

Line four starts with the moment before death when the last breath happens.  It talks about that moment being known, in the sense that it is expected at some point, yet it is still a mystery.

Line five talks about life being gone and that there are thoughts now about this.

The last line talks about the last instant before death and says it is unclear.

Poem with an explanation: Summer Winter

as the sunlight stings
and heat engulfs and cooks air
the forest pitch grows

as the gray light floats
and cold surrounds and cools air
the forest sound stills

This poem is comprised of two haiku.  They both describe first moments of walking outside: the first in summer and the second in winter.  Both poems follow the same pattern:

as the AAA light BBB
and CCC DDD and EEE air
the forest FFF GGG

Each of the words (or in one case, partial word) represented by three letters, in some way match: AAA (sun/gray), BBB (stings/floats), CCC (heat/cold), DDD (engulfs/surrounds), EEE (cooks/cools), FFF (pitch/sound), GGG (grows/stills).  In the cases of AAA, BBB, CCC, EEE, and GGG, the words (or in the case of AAA one partial word and one word) contrast, while still having a sense of matching.

The idea behind the poem was to describe two contrasting moments using similar patterns so that the contrast could be highlighted.