Poem with an explanation: under the red sky

under the red sky
upon the sand
the waves stopped crashing
but for a moment

In this poem, a person was sleeping on a sofa.  The person was covered with a red blanket (under the red sky) and was sleeping on a brown sofa (upon the sand).  The person had a stressful day, but in their sleep they found peace (the waves stopped crashing).  The peace lasted while the person slept (but for a moment).

Poem with an explanation: For the night

A blue plastic tarp,
hung over the rope.
Red flannel is buttoned,
as shoes push soil,
there below the bridge.

 

This poem has a few elements in its explanation.

First, the poem is about homelessness.  It describes a scene.  A homeless person is making their camp in the grass beneath a bridge.

The first two lines describe the person making their shelter – they are making a crude tent.

The third line describes the person protecting themselves from the cold.  It is as if the person is going through whatever motions they can to keep warm.  In this instance, they button their shirt.

The fourth line describes the person making their bed.  Their bed is just the place beneath the tent where the person cleared the soil away with their feet.

The last line gives the location and is meant to make clear the point that this is the scene of a homeless person.  The person is camping under a bridge.

In a second element, this poem was inspired by the Artwork to inspire poetry: The purple flower.  The flower is purple.  In the poem, the colors blue and red are mentioned.  Blue and red mixed together are purple.  Also, in the poem, the man is going to sleep in the soil.  Just like a flower seed or bulb would be put in the soil.  Lastly, the artwork has a flat appearance.  The man is going to lie down flat and sleep.

In a third element, this poem uses the Experimental Poetry Form: Five right aligned lines.  As the form stipulates, there are five lines, the lines are right aligned, and each line has four words.

In a fourth element, this poem is a good (although not perfect) example of the type of poem that can be sent in for consideration.  Currently, as readers should know, readers can each send a poem to M. Sakran for consideration.  M. Sakran will read the poems and may choose one to publish on this blog.  Please see the Considerations page for more information about sending in a poem for consideration.

Some reasons this poem is a good example of what can be sent in are:

  It’s a poem (as opposed to something else).

  It uses the categories of Artwork Inspiration and Experimental Poetry Form as a basis.

  It contains no first person personal pronouns, foul language, real brand names nor names of real people or businesses without their consent.

  It was not published anywhere else before.

  It is not going to be sent anywhere for consideration.

  M. Sakran does have the copyright to the poem.

  The poem is short.

  The poem has no outside references (references to specific things not explained in the poem).

  To a degree the poem “hits”.  In some respect, this quality is not as strong as it could be, but it is there at least to a point.  The poem does lack a little contrast for this quality.

  The poem isn’t too obscure.  The scene is described well enough that a reader can understand what is going on.  There is a little obscurity to it, but not too much.

  The poem references a social issue.  It describes an aspect of a person’s condition.  As far as saying something about humanity or society, this poem comes close in this respect.  It could actually have more of an insight to it.

  The line breaks make sense.

  The poem uses more than one category from the blog.

  The poem does not have a complex structure laid out on the page.

  The poem does have form elements from the use of an experimental poetry form.

  The poem isn’t too personal.

  The poem isn’t too controversial.

  The poem does reach a conclusion.

If you would like to send a poem to M. Sakran for Consideration, please go to the Considerations page for more information.

Post Series: Poems with Explanations: Reality and Dream

In the stillness,
there is movement,
in the darkness,
there is light.

In the silence,
there is clatter,
in the blindness,
there is sight.

In the coldness,
there is warmness,
in the weakness,
there is might.

 

This poem is about someone sleeping and dreaming.  There are three stanzas.  The odd lines of the stanzas describe the reality and the even lines describe the dream.

In the first stanza, the person is still, sleeping in a still room (In the stillness).  In their dream however, there is a lot happening (there is movement).  The room is dark (in the darkness), but there is light in the dream (there is light).

In the second stanza, the room is silent (In the silence), but there is noise in the dream (there is clatter).  While the person is sleeping, they can’t see (in the blindness), but in the dream, they are seeing things (there is sight).

In the third stanza, the room is cold (In the coldness), but the dream is warm (there is warmness).  The person is physically weak in reality (in the weakness), but they are strong in their dream (there is might).

The poem focuses on the contrast between the reality and the dream.

This poem is a form poem.  The general form of the stanzas are:

In the A,  (4 syllables)
there is B (antonym of A),  (4 syllables)
in the C-ness,  (4 syllables)
there is D (antonym of C (rhyme with other Ds)).  (3 syllables)

The odd lines all start with in the and the even lines all start with there is.  The last word of each line two, is an antonym of the last word of the corresponding line one.  Similarly, the last word of each line four, is an antonym of the corresponding line three.  Each third line, at least, ends with a word that ends in –ness.  All the fourth lines rhyme.  The stanzas have a syllable count of 4443.

In writing the poem, there was some intention to impart more form elements to the end words of lines (for example having each last word of each second line end in –ent).  However, given the notion of finding something relevant to the scene described, as well as the form elements of antonyms and rhyming, it proved to be a bit too much.  There is some thought though, that adding additional form elements would have added to the expression of the poem.

*****

Do you like poems with explanations?

M. Sakran’s self-published book of poems with explanations called Understanding: poems with explanations is available for purchase as an eBook for an available price of $0.99. Buy your copy today!

To help celebrate the self-publication of this book, there is a post series of poems with explanations on the blog.  Above is a poem with an explanation for the series.  This poem with an explanation (as well as the rest in the series) is not from the book.  It is a different one that is part of this post series for readers to read and enjoy.